Cap'n America is Back

After a long hiatus, the Cap'n is back--and I have some stories to tell. The farewell to corporate america, the life on the road, and the move to Savannah, GA are all surely noteworthy. In any event, i'm ready to start rehashing them, for good or ill---maybe in an effort to self-medicate. I have a new house and a new roommate. Luckily for us he has a camera--for documentation purposes. I have a feeling its going to be a wild summer and looking forward to sharing my adventures with you.

Movie Reviews: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Lets see...Harrison Ford...Check. Speilberg...Check. Action...Check. Mythical story...Check. Me "stepping out of the box to believe in whatever Indy is searching for"....Check.

*******WARNING!!! SPOILERS REGARDING THE STORYLINE TO FOLLOW***************

I don't get it. I truly don't understand how anyone could be giving this movie bad reviews. IMO, this is the most realistic plot in the whole Indy franchise. First, you have to escape from your inability to understand that there is no way that we are alone in the universe. That being said, it would make sense that aliens had a hand in shaping the cultures of the Mayans, Egyptians, etc. They worshipped gods who looked like aliens, for fucks sake. I won't even get into their architecture. Second, understand that this is an Indiana Jones movie. All of the artifacts he "unearths" are mythical and paranormal in nature. Yes, our hero can do some pretty amazing stunts that NO ONE ELSE can do. Now tell me how this one was different.

The one thing that pisses me off about movie critics is that in all of their critiqing, sometimes they can miss the true experience of the theater--one of giving way to the imagination. They forget that a motion picture is supposed to entertain, act as a form of escapism, and make us believe for up to 2 hours that our heroes CAN perform these unbelieveable feats because their name is Superman, Luke Skywalker, or Indiana Jones. I am truly done listening to these buffoons. A true "bad" movie is one with no plot, acting, etc. This film worked just fine.



The acting was on par with the rest of the Dr. Jones franchise, as was the action. The special effects played a larger role--of course--as it is in all films these days(No real surprise here---sorry it blew most of the critics away).

I don't want to ever give too much of the plot away, so I will end here: Go see this movie! Its Indiana Jones man. The SAME Indiana Jones we grew up with.


The Captain's Rating: 7.9) Wooooooo

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

The international trailer dubbed in spanish. This is the story of a man who ages backwards--born old and dies a baby. Stars Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett, directed by David Fincher. I'm looking forward to this one!

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Space Mountain: My Daddy Shoulda' Gave Me a Spankin' Like That a Long Time Ago

The Black Crowes to Play in Fayetteville

Classic Rock icons, The Black Crowes, are scheduled to play the AMP theatre in Fayetteville, AR on August 14. The newly reformed band--with new guitarist Luther Dickinson of The North Mississippi Allstars--are fresh off releasing their newest album Warpaint. I, for one, have partied with Luther and he is an interesting guy. Being a long time Crowes fan, as well as an Allstars fan, I am excited with the merger. The album revisits their blues roots, with Luther adding the dirty mississippi blues that I love. This will make for a treacherous couple of weekends, as I am slated to head to Colorado the next week for Widespread Panic. Good thing there is enough time to prepare.

The Wedding of Dick Swisher and Other Relevant Adventures: Wine and Cheese, Crawfish and Beer

Wedding season is upon us and I have been fortunate enough to be a part of two this year. My sister exchanges vows this weekend in lovely Rogers, Arkansas, a town known for its staunch smell of formaldehyde and as home to a laundry list of young ladies I would never want to run into again. It should make for a good time though, with old friends coming in and hopefully some new ones to be made—if you catch my drift. There’s nothing as inspiring as the sight of a bridesmaid on one of her friends’ wedding day. They start to get a wanton sense of “love-at-first-sight-itis”. It makes for an interesting hunt and on this occasion, I will be fully armed. Bridesmaids are in season and I will try my best to get my limit.



Meanwhile, my long-time comrade—the incomparable Dick Swisher—is set to tie the knot this summer. The festivities kicked off this weekend, with a crawfish cookout and a wine and cheese party. There was no doubt that my loyalties would surely lie with the wine, as cheese sometimes makes for difficult morning hours in my case. We started a little early, as usual, with the first can being popped around noon-ish. The crawfish came and went, making for a sweet concoction on top of my trusty Bud Light. By the time the night party came—I had become a walking bottle of booze. I had a neatly groomed handlebar mustache and wore my jeans—a true man about town—if you will. The pictures, which will be added soon, will most definitely add to my folly. I am proud of his choice of companionship. She is a girl that I can hang out with, as well as one that no doubt puts up with Dick’s unruly Kaufmanesque mood swings. I fear she has no idea what she is getting herself into. It is going to be interesting, as Dick is no doubt a man set in his frightening ways.

I am in charge of the Bachelor party—a surefire mistake in my book—with all hell set to break loose real soon. A bachelor party, you see, is a place where a bizarre being like myself can show his true colors. It is a testament to the man that I am and I will probably always be. My first thought was to call the “ladies of the night” I met at a previous engagement similar to this one. She gave me her number probably with the insight that I was the most likely “John” in the room. Women are one of my most violent vices and I love them in all forms. I am an "Equal Opportunity Employer" and do not discriminate based on age, size, shape, and color. One will most certainly—in some form or fashion—be THE death of me. Not old age, smoking, drugs, drinking—which by the way are all cause and effect related to women. I digress. My first thought was this followed closely by the one that said, “None of these poor bastards are going to get involved in any form of debauchery that I set up.” Therefore, we will probably visit one of our fair neighboring cities, listen to some live music and walk as close to the edge of drunkenness as we can without going jumping completely off. I am very much looking forward to it.

Coming Soon: The Wedding of Dick Swisher and Other Relevant Adventures II: Bachelor Party

Movie Reviews: Iron Man

Yeah sure, everyone was excited when Spiderman came out--I just wasn't overly impressed with Sam Raimi's take on it. This is not the case in Jon Favreau's Iron Man. It was different in the aspect that this hero is tremendously flawed. He is an alcoholic, whore-hound who enjoys the limelight. One of the biggest comebacks ever--Robert Downey, Jr. He totally owned the role of the boozing, womanizing Tony Stark. I am a comic book fanboy from wayback and I must say this is one of the best big screen adaptations yet. It has everything you would want in a summer blockbuster--action, AWESOME special effects, and a damn good story to boot. This is going to be the beginning of big things from Marvel Studios, and if you stick around after the credits you'll see why. Don't want to give that away, but after the weekend that the film had, Marvel has announced today that Captain America (not my nom de plume)is in the works--with Matthew McConaughey as the lead--as well as a big screen adaptation of Thor. The big one i've been talking about ties all of them together. The one negative aspect of the film as far as I could see was Gweneth Paltrow's performance. I usually like her, but she just didn't do IT for me in this one. Look for the sequel to debut summer 2010. Go see this movie! May change the genre.

Captain's Rating: Iron Man: 8.1) Woooooooo